I search for my face in the reflection of their eyes, and I only see a blur. Feeling can never depart us, as long as we are alive and mentally functional in this realm of the material world. Many have tried to escape the atrocity they suffer due to their sensitive souls and constant heavy thought processes in different ways. Those who achieve Nirvaan, like the ancient yogis and eccentric Dervish and saintly people, and those who die of drug overdoses, with or without  fame, attained freedom. Thus their destinies were the same, but their routes different.
Why would I, or anyone else for that matter, wish to break free from the intensely humane gift of feeling? Maybe because somewhere in our minds, we believe we are incapable of helping ourselves feel anything substantially positive and fulfilling. Maybe we have created a belief in our systems that "everybody is going to make you suffer in life" (Bob Marley), but we just don't want to trust anyone enough to choose them for our suffering.
Haven't we gotten too lonely inside? The wish for personal space has been so over-consuming, that there is no person left anymore inside who needs to be alone. Every person wants love and respect, and those who are running away from 'getting too close' to someone else, are actually scared: scared of themselves, of course. Are we not the prime cases of 'impotent human beings'? as I call it.
We wish to feel, and to feel peace of mind. But the disturbances of the degenerating material world cloud the mind, and fear, anger, hatred, disappointment, despir, helplessness, frustration set in. So a lot of us, as a survival mechanism, come up with mechanical relationships and numbness of emotions as a way to deal with the stress of the big and small elements and off-shoots.of the New World Order. But in this same way, are we not supporting the main cause of this so-called 'Order'? i.e. to kill the individual will and positive creativity of the masses, blunting their senses, and making them slaves to all the material they can accumulate.
Yes, if I had any heroes, they're all dead, and maybe they died in time. Maybe if they were prodigies of these times, they could've contributed more sickness of the mind to their masterpiece achievements; but, maybe their voices would've been silenced and drowned in the noise of the arrivals of Hell. Oh, you do not believe in Heaven or Hell? You don't have to, but even if you limit your tunnel vision to this present small world only, any person with common sense would know what works for him in this world. For some, nothing works. For others, nothing matters, for they know they've done their own share.

Since birth was an accident, life is a formality!

If we combine our spiritual existences together, we could conquer the universe and attain ultimate death in a state of complete insanity, but for the right reasons.

Early Morning Catharsis

My thoughts shall survive only as far as I can carry them. I can be mine only as much as I have the will to live. I breathe every breath in an air of fluctuation between levels of anxiety and partial peace.

"We're just two lost souls, swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year..
Running over the same old grounds,
What have we found?
Same old fears.."
-Pink Floyd.

Running around in circles, evrybody's looking for and running after something. Even the people who are or were hermits and saints were obesessed with finding the peace and Nirvaan; either seeking indifference towards the truth, leaving it to their Higher Powers, or escape and isolation from the rest of the material world. In this sense, everyone is 'hooked on' to something or the other, many a time going on with a mechanical existence they call 'life', chasing after affairs that shall hold no meaning when all of this ends; or maybe, there is some subliminal logic and interpretation behind everything that the human mind fails to comprehend.
The life and world these days is very limiting and in fact, debilitating and destructive to our precious asset, the mind, which, to me, is an extension of the soul. Here, where we are taught everyday how to sell our souls for complete control, and this 'control' is in turn like a meth dragon that the tweaker can never chase. This dragon is what I call the 'collective reality' that people have developed as a comfort zone around themselves against the truth. It makes them blind but it's supposed to be their defense mechanism, and everyone has their individual, self-sought escape route.

"Much violence is based on the illusion that life is a property to be defended and not to be shared." - Henri Nouwen
You try to defend what never was yours..and in the end you're left with nothing..

Maybe if we learn to share our lives together, each of us could feel more alive!..But then again.it's all relative, and no matter how many elements and notions in our lives match, the concepts of existence and 'god' are the sacred possessions of each being separately.

Prisms of Paradigm

I'd say you need to slow down, take a deep breath, and finally feel human and alive. This pre-conceived notion of 'reality' that you've adhered to, is just an illusion to make it seem 'real'. Matter of the fact is, as I think, there IS no 'real', because its all in the mind. You can make it as good or bad for urself as you tune your mind to. True, systems, and differences of systems, and a widely and generally accepted notion of '(New) world order (read 'disorder')' are elements without which modern world could not exist. True, if things were, at all, any different, the whole course of events in our past, present and future would have to change; but does'nt this all appear a little too rigid for you? Why do you have to surrender your life to a belief called 'fate', that governs the important changes of events in your perception?...


Why would you not want to use for your own peace, and for others as a bonus, the inner powers, or potential that u possess? Why just sit back and accept things 'just as the way they are'? Does'nt this sound depressive and loser-ish too?..

But in the end, the freedom of choice is only one's own, and this choice comes from perception, and the refinement and evolution of perception all through life.

The 'world' out there, no matter how hostile it seems, offers itself to us fully, only if we have the eyes to see. We bring upon ourselves, incidents of elation and mishaps, consciously or subconsciously. The more we are aware, the more chances decrease for the 'mishaps', and this awareness, in turn, primarily comes from observation and analytical and internalization skills. All this determines what parts of our experiences remain in what section of the mind, and mould our personality in what way. This leads to the development of belief systems and perception in our mind. It is basically the individual who determines, partially by genetics, and also by learned or adapted behavior, what parts of information to process and retain as knowledge, and what to forgo in the conscious mind. We can either accept, without questioning, what has already been researched and practised by our predecessors, put forth to us basically; OR, we could exercise our urge to learn, our inquisitive nature as humans, a bit more with time to understand the 'system' or 'dimension' or 'world' we live in.

So, to conclude: the world you want is the world in your mind, and that's where you actually live in your spirit. I, as a dominant idealist, would say my world is peaceful, where people are not scared and hiding behind masks; where the worst happens to the worst, in whatever way, and most of the people smile at each other with genuine human love.

Intellectualization of Ideals...lol =P

i'm not a hypocrite, ..I'd say it's just that my conscience does not allow me to conform to religion to the extent of adhering to each ritual or pre-requisute for getting widely accepted as a follower of that faith!
I'm a wanderer, an inquisitive mind that tends to question the existence of all within myself and without of me. My Existentialist traits limit me from conforming to one specific school of thought or belief system; in fact, I tend to develop belief systems of my own, based on my observations and analyses of different phenomena and personal experiences of life. I 'philosophize' (I don't know if it exists in the English dictionary to be honest) my sensory and perceptual input into paradigms that hold the power to mould my personality, any aspect of it, from physical to spiritual to emotional to physochological, social, whatever...
N now I guess I should zip up...just been thinking too much again! =P

Indifference

Indifference is the outcome of feeling, just like dissapointment is the result of expectation, except that apathy is mostly brought about by a process of excessive feeling. Hate is also caused by the inability to be reciprocated by your object of affection after you have felt love for it; be it a person, a drug, even an animal, or any other inanimate object.
I believe, that to every negativity, there could be a possibility of a preceding element of positivity. In many cases, it is the failure to gain a positive or enriching experience out of a specific situation in life, that reinforces a certain belief about certain sorts of people, the world, or particular ideologies of life.

'Intellectualization'

I had been staring, throughout, at the reflection of a person who never existed; and to me, that same person lived like a god inside of me, showing its reflections each time I would stare into the mirror and try to find my true self somewhere in there.
This 'intellect', that gives me the importance that I have in so many people's eyes, I still don't really know if it's a blessing or a curse. Even if it IS a gift, like I've been made to believe and have actually had faith in all my life, I've yet to prove it as a gift to myself, let alone the world. Many of us, who are born with the innate ability to feel more sensitized to our existence and our surroundings than many of those around us, maybe take this trait of ours for granted. We set out to change the world, and we could'nt even begin with ourselves!
Probably, in the cases of people like myself, we take our intellect for granted. We somehow made ourselves stick to the notion at a subconscious level that this 'gift' would serve us well as a security blanket or a scapegoat, helping us to rationalize each wrong of ours and to get away with it. But this rationalization stands on no grounds. Deep inside, the conscience DOES hurt, and yet we 'intellectualize' the guilt into softer words and more lenient value and belief systems.
But still, the harsh punishments we give to ourselves for these personal sins eventually, victimize nobody else, but us ourselves. For each time I do myself wrong, I know something sure is not right; and yet, I choose to drown it into the quicksand inside the utopia that exists in my mind as my comfort zone. But inspite of all these flights of wishful illusions, I know every time I intellectualize my ugliness into something beautiful, I'm only killing myself a little more.