i'm not a hypocrite, ..I'd say it's just that my conscience does not allow me to conform to religion to the extent of adhering to each ritual or pre-requisute for getting widely accepted as a follower of that faith!
I'm a wanderer, an inquisitive mind that tends to question the existence of all within myself and without of me. My Existentialist traits limit me from conforming to one specific school of thought or belief system; in fact, I tend to develop belief systems of my own, based on my observations and analyses of different phenomena and personal experiences of life. I 'philosophize' (I don't know if it exists in the English dictionary to be honest) my sensory and perceptual input into paradigms that hold the power to mould my personality, any aspect of it, from physical to spiritual to emotional to physochological, social, whatever...
N now I guess I should zip up...just been thinking too much again! =P
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Indifference
Indifference is the outcome of feeling, just like dissapointment is the result of expectation, except that apathy is mostly brought about by a process of excessive feeling. Hate is also caused by the inability to be reciprocated by your object of affection after you have felt love for it; be it a person, a drug, even an animal, or any other inanimate object.
I believe, that to every negativity, there could be a possibility of a preceding element of positivity. In many cases, it is the failure to gain a positive or enriching experience out of a specific situation in life, that reinforces a certain belief about certain sorts of people, the world, or particular ideologies of life.
I believe, that to every negativity, there could be a possibility of a preceding element of positivity. In many cases, it is the failure to gain a positive or enriching experience out of a specific situation in life, that reinforces a certain belief about certain sorts of people, the world, or particular ideologies of life.
Friday, August 6, 2010
'Intellectualization'
I had been staring, throughout, at the reflection of a person who never existed; and to me, that same person lived like a god inside of me, showing its reflections each time I would stare into the mirror and try to find my true self somewhere in there.
This 'intellect', that gives me the importance that I have in so many people's eyes, I still don't really know if it's a blessing or a curse. Even if it IS a gift, like I've been made to believe and have actually had faith in all my life, I've yet to prove it as a gift to myself, let alone the world. Many of us, who are born with the innate ability to feel more sensitized to our existence and our surroundings than many of those around us, maybe take this trait of ours for granted. We set out to change the world, and we could'nt even begin with ourselves!
Probably, in the cases of people like myself, we take our intellect for granted. We somehow made ourselves stick to the notion at a subconscious level that this 'gift' would serve us well as a security blanket or a scapegoat, helping us to rationalize each wrong of ours and to get away with it. But this rationalization stands on no grounds. Deep inside, the conscience DOES hurt, and yet we 'intellectualize' the guilt into softer words and more lenient value and belief systems.
But still, the harsh punishments we give to ourselves for these personal sins eventually, victimize nobody else, but us ourselves. For each time I do myself wrong, I know something sure is not right; and yet, I choose to drown it into the quicksand inside the utopia that exists in my mind as my comfort zone. But inspite of all these flights of wishful illusions, I know every time I intellectualize my ugliness into something beautiful, I'm only killing myself a little more.
This 'intellect', that gives me the importance that I have in so many people's eyes, I still don't really know if it's a blessing or a curse. Even if it IS a gift, like I've been made to believe and have actually had faith in all my life, I've yet to prove it as a gift to myself, let alone the world. Many of us, who are born with the innate ability to feel more sensitized to our existence and our surroundings than many of those around us, maybe take this trait of ours for granted. We set out to change the world, and we could'nt even begin with ourselves!
Probably, in the cases of people like myself, we take our intellect for granted. We somehow made ourselves stick to the notion at a subconscious level that this 'gift' would serve us well as a security blanket or a scapegoat, helping us to rationalize each wrong of ours and to get away with it. But this rationalization stands on no grounds. Deep inside, the conscience DOES hurt, and yet we 'intellectualize' the guilt into softer words and more lenient value and belief systems.
But still, the harsh punishments we give to ourselves for these personal sins eventually, victimize nobody else, but us ourselves. For each time I do myself wrong, I know something sure is not right; and yet, I choose to drown it into the quicksand inside the utopia that exists in my mind as my comfort zone. But inspite of all these flights of wishful illusions, I know every time I intellectualize my ugliness into something beautiful, I'm only killing myself a little more.
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